Amor Fati

I am not afraid. I am ready to suffer more than any man has ever suffered in this lifetime. I am not afraid. I have no fear. I will push until I die. Until I literally fall into oblivion. Until I literally fucking crumple and can no longer function. Til I cry that there is nothing left for me to give this world. I will push until I literally fall apart and die. There is no choice. I will go until there is nothing left of me. I am not afraid. I am not afraid. I will die fighting like a fucking soldier. If I must die then I must, but until then I will fight this shit. I will fight. I will claw my fucking way up this mountain even if it means my complete and utter destruction. There is nothing left to do but push harder than I have ever pushed in my life. There is no longer any option. The only options that are left to me are death and pushing. I cannot die yet, so I must go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go. I cannot die yet I refuse to let myself fall into the mire. I will fight this fucking beast. I will fucking fight this abhorrent experience until it kills me. But it has to fucking kill me. Fuck this disease. Fuck it. Fuck this suffering. Fuck this fucking disease I will not let it take me. I will not let this fucking disease take my life from me. I refuse to break down. I refuse to let this kill me. I will not give up. I will never give up. I will not take my life. I will fight like I have never fought in my life. I will take all the pain of the world on my shoulders. I have no other option. That is my only option. I will not complain anymore. This is my burden to bear, and I must bear it. No one can save me but myself.